Cultural Exchange and Potentially Unpopular Opinions

A few days ago I was asked for the first time to change something I’d written in my blog. Not because it was factually inaccurate but because the askee would prefer that certain information not be available to the public as it might interfere with their job. Sure, I said. No problem. And I meant it. I’m not a journalist and I’m not writing an expose. Changing a few sentences here and there for the peace of mind of good, kind, people I care about is an easy decision.

So I went back and re-read what I’d written. I was a little worried that I’d made some egregious error in judgement but having re-read the post, I stand behind what I wrote. I understand this person’s concern and was happy to add a little extra context and omit some information that is colorful but by no means intrinsic to the themes of the post, however, I did not change everything that was requested. For instance, I am not inclined to excise a passage about gender equality when the request comes in the same sentence in which I’m called “Toots.” I said I’d take a look at it, and I did, but what I found was that I was more inclined to note the discrepancy than I was when I first wrote it. So… stet.

This request is my first blog related moral conundrum. There’s a lot to be said for taking cultural differences into account when writing about an unfamiliar place and I was only a part of this particular culture for a month so I’m more than willing to take it on faith that if someone tells me something I wrote will be misconstrued, it will, indeed, be misconstrued and I will do everything in my power to ensure that that doesn’t happen. Does that mean that I should gloss over the inequalities I perceive in another culture just because there’s a different definition of inequality there? Or bear more responsibility for writing things that are said than those who did the saying? Am I more responsible for the well being of an individual or society at large? Ultimately, I am responsible for what I write and what messages I send out into the universe. All I can do here is follow my own moral compass.

In developing that compass, travel has played a large role in honing in on what is ultimately, universally, absolutely important to me. Some things are essential no matter where you are and who you’re with. Other things fall by the wayside. I am a different person for having spent a month in the South. Perhaps the South is different, too, for my having been there. I don’t know. I do know that we travel, we make art, we talk to people, and we observe our surroundings because of the beauty in the exchange of information. There are growing pains, of course, in translating our intentions between cultures, but in the instance of the moral conundrum of the day, I trust implicitly in the good intentions of the person who asked me to change this particular post just as they trust implicitly in my good intentions in writing it. The rest is just grounds for learning and what better use of human connection than to learn from each other?

I almost ended this post at that. As it stands, I stand behind all that is written above. However, if I’m to hold myself to the standard I set of being brutally honest with myself, I have more to say about my moral compass. You see, like most women, I’ve experienced many moments in my life when I can choose to treat a comment as playful or to treat it as condescending. I can choose to defuse a situation with flirtation and subservience or not diffuse it through assertiveness and aggression. I do not always choose the latter.

I could chalk this up to being socialized as a female and having developed coping mechanism to make myself heard in a male dominated world but the truth is that it’s deeper than that. If I have an intrinsic nature it is to consider all sides of an issue before committing to an opinion on it. My feelings creep up slowly as I build a case in my mind for one reaction or another based on what I know of a situation. I draw from all past experiences and all imaginable futures. All that consideration takes time. Welcome to the Libra brain: Always, always, be balancing the scales of justice.

I believe that people are basically good. #budhism. I’m not saying no one deserves to have the full wrath of womanhood rain down upon them. Sometimes they do and sometimes I’m the one to do the it but more often than not I attempt to rationalize and contextualize a sexist comment instead of getting angry at whoever said it. Then I get mad at myself later. How dare I not stand up for myself! For all women! How dare I give every man I meet the benefit of the doubt even when it is clear that this person is blatantly misogynistic! But that’s what gives me pause. Even if someone is blatantly misogynistic, no one sets out to be sexist. No one thinks, hey, today I’m going to be carelessly unjust, cruel, and closed minded. No one wakes up in the morning with the goal of quashing their capacity for empathy and understanding. No one sets out to be on the wrong side of history. To quote Kathryn Schulz, “What does it feel like to be wrong? It feels like being right. It only feels bad to know that you are wrong.”

I am full of gratitude and admiration for people who can make snap moral judgements. I often wish I were one of them. But for better and worse, I am contemplative. Sometimes I’m proud of that trait and sometimes it fills me with shame. Sometimes it can help me avoid a miscarriage of justice, sometimes it means that I let injustice pass by unchecked.

For as much as the world needs people who get angry and call a spade a spade, it also needs people who take a step back and make sure there’s not just some dirt on the card and really it was a heart all along. All I can do is follow my moral compass. Sometimes that means I rain down the wrath of womanhood on misogynistic jerks and sometimes it means that I reserve judgement until I‘ve had time to consider all of my options. I am woman, you most certainly will hear me roar, and it will be on my terms when I do.